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My So-Called Brave Face

(For some silly reason, WordPress has decided not to show you the video till you click through on this post if you are viewing it on the site. If it’s over email, I think it should be just above the previous sentence, where it belongs. Sorry!)

Strangely enough, this video explains how I feel better than I do.

These sketches are made by Levni Yilmaz based on different things in his own life (and we’ve all learnt since Shakespeare that this stuff is universal).

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Never Settle

Never shortchange yourself.

Never let yourself think that this is all you can do, that this is all you are capable of.

Never feel that you need another person’s validation to be something.

Never get too comfortable and unwilling to improve.

Never think that you’re not worth it.

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There is no passion to be found playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living - Mandela
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I’m The Juggernaut, Bitch

Some time back, I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I had to lose weight, like, yesterday. I picked up running and began enjoying it till I started getting awful shin splints during and after each run and ended up having to switch to spinning and rowing for my cardio fix. I had read a few books about running before I gave it up, and I’m reminded now of a quote from Running Like a Girl:

Once you’ve experienced the delicious realisation that you can carry on when you are quite sure you are about to die of tears in a crowd of thousands, you have taught yourself a skill that is applicable to all of life. It turns out that to survive, you just have to keep going.

I think anyone who goes through depression or a difficult phase in life learns this lesson. The only way out is through. I remember I used to just go through the motions each day, cleaning, cooking, errands etc. and go to bed with a slight hope that I might not wake up to have to deal with it the next day. That continued for months, through suicidal depression, through therapy, through countless arguments with my husband, through smiling for our friends so they wouldn’t know. I didn’t know how to get out of it, but I didn’t take my life and instead ploughed through it. One day I woke up and got the errands done with quickly so I could read. Another day to exercise. Another day for a walk to the park. Days passed and one day I looked back and realised that cloud of horrible depression wasn’t there any more. I don’t think anyone ‘cures’ themselves completely; it’s always lurking in the background waiting for the opportune moment to consume you again. However, you slowly give yourself the strength to clutch desperately at life, your hold on sanity powerful enough to stave those dark thoughts for yet another day. You just simply… keep going.

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Junot Diaz

People are always fascinated by infidelity because, in the end – whether we’ve had direct experience or not – there’s part of you that knows there’s absolutely no more piercing betrayal. People are undone by it.

Some thoughts on this tomorrow. Try not to hate me.