I am currently running an experiment of doing to the best of my ability all the things my husband wants done, in a final attempt at keeping the marriage together. This isn’t as awfully all-encompassing as it sounds – I follow his instructions regarding work to do everyday towards starting a business together as well as errands, and do them all the way he tells me to. This takes up a lot of my time as the thing we are working on is something I don’t have any experience with and I am sort of learning on the go with it.
Unfortunately for me, this situation has no positive outcome like I had envisaged earlier:
- I do all this stuff his way — he is happy therefore I am at peace — I what? Keep the status quo by continuing to do everything his way, for the rest of my life?
- I do all this stuff his way — he is happy etc — I slowly start expressing myself after peace has been maintained for awhile and we have conflicts as a result. This is fine as long as we resolve these conflicts like adults; however, it just goes back to the old established pattern of him wanting to sleep off a bad mood and giving me the silent treatment.
- I look for other work and leave him by joining whatever job I find – this is bound to be pretty crap work that won’t support me, and I will have to go through a separation and divorce in the mean while.
- I do all this stuff, we make tons of money. Still doesn’t solve the issue of our conflict resolution.
- We make tons of money, then I divorce him. Unappealing as I do not intend to claim for money after leaving him, but I would’ve put a lot of effort into earning that money. Also I will probably not be able to continue the work solo (unless I’ve gotten very good at it by that stage), leading back to the crap job plus separation situation.
Nothing looks particularly appealing at this point, I must confess. I don’t have the interest or discipline to immerse myself in what I am doing beyond the required level, but I may not have a choice at this point. This is where in the movies or nice books, the protagonist is strong and turns the situation around or finds a silver lining etc. I need to invest in some rose-tinted glasses pronto.