Communication is key. You hear that like a tired cliche but it’s true.
Things came to a head with the spouse and I, and we spoke about divorce. We have currently decided to give it one last shot. He isn’t interested in couples’ therapy as he thinks this whole situation is my fault, so I have to wait and see how these next few months go with me doing things his way.
I am sacrificing my ‘out’ by working on his pet project instead of looking for work. It’s a full time thing, and I am learning a lot in the process and attempting to not antagonise my husband in the middle of it all. That’s a bit vague, I know, but anything more specific and people who know me will read this and know exactly who I am. I’m not ready for that kettle of fish yet.
The sex is really, really bad. I don’t approach him for it any more, but I never say no when asked (which is quite rarely as it is – in April and May, we’ve had sex 4 times, 3 of which were in the week after that divorce discussion). He doesn’t have much imagination and admits he sucks at multi-tasking, so sex is usually just penetration after a cursory 10 second attempt at foreplay. It kinds sucks, y’know? But it’s good in a way, I suppose, because good sex might make me more emotionally attached than I already am. Bad sex, and rarely that too, is kind of screwing with my self esteem, though.
So, in a bit of a limbo situation at the moment. But I find myself thinking more clearly about a lot of things than ever before. Maybe this is that elusive growing up people talk about.