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Money and Power

It’s odd how power dynamics work in relationships. In a D/s relationship, you discuss these things, perhaps sign a contract to the effect, and you know for a fact exactly what you are giving up decision making power over and what will remain yours. In a vanilla relationship, things are a bit more hazy, and especially if you’ve been together before either partner was employed.

When you are in the weaker position because either your salary is lower or you are unemployed and dependant, you trust the other person to never pull the card and use it, saying they earn the money therefore they have say over how you use it. When you are in the stronger position, you hopefully love your partner enough to never make them feel that dependence, to never make them feel they are living purely by your generosity. Obviously if said partner is squandering it wastefully, you question it, but you hopefully haven’t tied yourself to someone like that willingly.

1:1:1:97 – sounds fair to me.

This unsaid power exchange is sadly reality for a housewife. Betty Friedan’s “problem with no name” definitely has a huge monetary aspect. Whether or not we admit it, the possession of money or lack thereof creates an imbalance in the relationship that must be addressed directly – you cannot pull the rug out from under someone’s feet by saying they can’t do something anymore because they are spending too much of your money; you instead have an open discussion where the money belongs to both of you and you are together discussing using it wisely. That’s what rational adults do.

The past 24 hours have been something of a new low. Overwhelming anyone with the details seems like a punishment, so I won’t. Suffice it to say, rationally speaking, blame lies with both of us, and as usual I am the only one facing the wrath for it. It wouldn’t feel as bad if it weren’t for my needing to pay for something and being refused it. There have been other instances too, for eg. taking my wallet and walking away saying nothing in it was mine anyway. I can’t begin to explain how awfully small and vulnerable that makes one feel.

5 thoughts on “Money and Power

      1. “Taking my wallet and walking away saying nothing in it was mine anyway.” Still remains obnoxious and a deliberate attempt to demean someone. Don’t let him get to you in a way that you lose your self-respect and morale.

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    1. Yes, I am trying to find work but not having any experience in the UK makes it tough to find work in my field. I’m Indian – I moved here when I married my husband, who works in London.

      I would like to make a clean break from this relationship, so I don’t want to use any of his money to start my new life. Hence I need to find work and save a little money before I can make the exit.

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