Weekend posting is turning out to be quite difficult for me. I’m not planning this writing out yet, I’m just doing it when I feel a need to, and that doesn’t always happen when I have enough privacy to follow through. (I’m making it sound like I’m a 15 year old boy trying to masturbate at home without mum walking in.)
I was thinking about dog training sometime back; how you can choose to feed a dog treats to positively reinforce good behaviour or shock/cause pain when you want to teach them that something is bad. This works with humans too. In a relationship, when you are rewarded for something you did well (a good decision, great blowjob, whatever), it makes you want to do those things more and be better at them. The other way unfortunately works too – when you do something neutral or nice and your head gets bitten off for it anyway, then you stop wanting to do those things.
I’ve noticed that if we have sex or do anything sexual, the very next day we have a massive blowout about something. If I am hormonal and therefore clingy/cuddly, later in the day I am yelled at out of the blue for something. All this has done is make me less inclined to repeat these behaviours. I feel like I’m being trained out of love.
If any of you recognise this phenomenon in your relationships, please do what you can to make sure your partner knows they are loved and their efforts are appreciated. The longer you are at it, the more you tend to take for granted, and sometimes you don’t even notice when the good things are taking a turn for the worse.