Hey, hey, lookie here – a post on the day the trailer to 50 Shades Of Grey was released that’s actually not about the movie or book. Go me.
I spent a lot of today reading very educational posts about sex and BDSM and all that, and ended up masturbating because I couldn’t handle the horny. Guess what? I came 7 (possibly 8) times with my little bullet vibrator. This might not seem like an achievement to other people but it is to me because I have never had a proper orgasm, ever.
What’s a proper orgasm? It doesn’t have to be the total body, earth-moving, mind-shattering experience you read about in erotica. It just has to be distinct enough for you to recognise that you have had an orgasm. This is something I have never told anyone – I’ve never orgasmed, and I have consistently faked it with every partner I’ve had. I have a strong pelvic floor and do Kegels when I’m bored so I can clamp and twitch with my walls enough to convinced someone that has their dick inside me. The rest is c/o Meg Ryan.
Back to my orgasms (because, hey, ground-breaking moment here). They didn’t make me go dark around the edges or anything, but I did leak quite a bit of juice. I left a huge stain on the bed that has hopefully dried before my husband gets back. These were pleasurable clitoral orgasms with a little bit of g-spot stimulation, and one of them sort of led into another which is why the doubt regarding the occurrence of 7 or 8. I think I’m slightly dehydrated now from all the leaking!
I think my groin/inner thigh muscles are going to be aching tomorrow from the prolonged leg spreading, but it’s all going to be worth it. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders; like I’ve conquered a massive obstacle. I have been battling my issues and my hormones for years now, and I’m finally seeing some progress. Even though this happened many hours ago, I’m still in a post-orgasmic blissful cloud.
I’ve not achieved much else today, but I’m not feeling too bad about that. I can see things slowly falling into place, ever so slowly but surely, and that’s good enough for me.