Hey, hey, lookie here – a post on the day the trailer to 50 Shades Of Grey was released that’s actually not about the movie or book. Go me.

I spent a lot of today reading very educational posts about sex and BDSM and all that, and ended up masturbating because I couldn’t handle the horny. Guess what? I came 7 (possibly 8) times with my little bullet vibrator. This might not seem like an achievement to other people but it is to me because I have never had a proper orgasm, ever.

What’s a proper orgasm? It doesn’t have to be the total body, earth-moving, mind-shattering experience you read about in erotica. It just has to be distinct enough for you to recognise that you have had an orgasm. This is something I have never told anyone – I’ve never orgasmed, and I have consistently faked it with every partner I’ve had. I have a strong pelvic floor and do Kegels when I’m bored so I can clamp and twitch with my walls enough to convinced someone that has their dick inside me. The rest is c/o Meg Ryan.

Meg Ryan's O Face
Fake it till you make it.

Back to my orgasms (because, hey, ground-breaking moment here). They didn’t make me go dark around the edges or anything, but I did leak quite a bit of juice. I left a huge stain on the bed that has hopefully dried before my husband gets back. These were pleasurable clitoral orgasms with a little bit of g-spot stimulation, and one of them sort of led into another which is why the doubt regarding the occurrence of 7 or 8. I think I’m slightly dehydrated now from all the leaking!

I think my groin/inner thigh muscles are going to be aching tomorrow from the prolonged leg spreading, but it’s all going to be worth it. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders; like I’ve conquered a massive obstacle. I have been battling my issues and my hormones for years now, and I’m finally seeing some progress. Even though this happened many hours ago, I’m still in a post-orgasmic blissful cloud.

I’ve not achieved much else today, but I’m not feeling too bad about that. I can see things slowly falling into place, ever so slowly but surely, and that’s good enough for me.

Penny for your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s