Il Cattivo

What happens with me usually is that I very enthusiastically begin something and lose steam almost immediately. I don’t want it happening this time around because this is an important journey for me. Whether or not anyone ever sees this blog, I know it’s there and I grow from writing in it. I live with someone who is not aware of my current state of mind and I prefer it that way, so it might not be possible for me to write on the weekends. That is the only thing I will forgive myself for; missing it on any day I am alone just means I am lazy or have given up, and that is not an option.

Since a lot of my issues lead to sex and my confusion about my Dominant or submissive identity, I’ve found thinking about it instead of filing it away in the back of my mind leads to discovering the roots of other problems. So I’ve decided to use the submissive guide prompts to kick start days when the writing isn’t happening.

Writing about my writing is a good way to procrastinate, isn’t it. Today I wrote and passed a Life In The UK test, then it went downhill from there because I didn’t go to the gym, ended up eating McDonalds and 4 squares of Lindt and just sat on the couch watching videos and wasting my time. I can’t even remember now what I was doing that took me 3 hours, honestly. I don’t know how to solve this problem; maybe I should consider writing when I realise I’m ‘vegging out’, to guilt trip me into doing productive things.

I’m now on my way to meeting my husband’s friends. I hope I remember the guilt enough to not drink or eat too much, and I hope I don’t put my foot in my mouth like I unerringly manage to lately.

Penny for your thoughts

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